Are you an Alien,
Predator or Terminator? N peered into my computer screen and scoffed, “that’s easy.
You are an alien.” N has always been a hapless victim of my quirks and binging
on personality tests is one of them.
I love to
present myself as a subject for any psychological test. I’ve been taking them
since the time they debuted on sites such as emode and tickle.com and continue
to enjoy the random ones on Facebook today.
The other day N
caught me taking “What does the colour
of your poop say about you?” He walked away
disgusted. In my defence, the test says a lot more about the employee who
ideated it and the boss who approved it than the compulsive test taker, for
whom this was just another one! Buzzfeed claims that its recent personality
test, “Which city should you live in?” has got the maximum hits in recent
history.
Personality
quizzes are the latest fad and the Internet is threatening to crash under them.
From fascinating to downright asinine, these tests promise to offer a window
into our soul, by slotting us into a category. “Who is your celebrity soul mate?”
“Which Greek god do you resemble?” “Which Harry potter character are you?” You
are Remus Lupin. Damn it. I wanted someone cooler. I retake the test, this time
giving the answers more thought. Lupin again. I let it slide, nobody needs to
know. I did get Derek Shepherd in the “ Which Greys Anatomy character are you?”
and it called for some serious flaunting. Many would argue that these tests are
meant to be flippant and do not require so much thought or analysis. Agreed,
given that some of the questions are preposterous and have no connection with
the test. The poop test for instance wanted to know my favourite sport! Also, shouldn’t
we ask our partner ‘how good we are in bed?’ or ‘where should our next tattoo
be?’, than treat our computer as an Ouija board?
As the little
dots circle our screen, busy calculating the test results, we wait, secretly
hoping it unravels facets our personality that we never knew existed. We want
to see if the arbitrary algorithm that some unsuspecting techie devised could unlock
a hidden alter ego. We want to be the Dark Knight. Social media is notorious
for swinging us like a pendulum. We either become supremely confident or wallow
in self-doubt. These tests offer validation or dispel our fears. At the root of
it lie the answers to deep sociological questions like, what we think about
ourselves and what we think others think of us. So when the pop window on our
screen says that ‘Golden retriever’ is our ‘Inner dog’ we pat ourselves in the
back. We always knew that we are immensely lovable.
Tests apart, one
quick look at our online behaviour is enough to sketch our personality profiles.
So which social media animal are you? We
have a medley of ‘over-sharers’, the ’like mongers’, the ‘chronic –likers’, the
‘over-reactor’s etc. N is a Facebook watchman. You think he hates the damn site
until you see the notification, ‘N is now friends with 9 people’. Our man
scrolls through his feed every hour albeit without leaving a trail. However
watchmen are infinitely better than the Facebook sly. She is the friend who
routinely stalks you, and on principle refrains from commenting or liking your
new Goa album. Although, she silently keeps tabs on your increasing waistline.
I am the shy exhibitionist. Too shy to do any self-promotion but would be very
happy if you could upload the party pictures where I am looking fab or share my
latest article.
It’s been seven
tests in half an hour. I may need a test that asks, “ Should you quit taking
tests?” But the suggestions from Zimbio
are irresistible and I take what I tell myself is the last one, “Which social
media are you?” Pinterest it says. “You are a community mom”. Whatever that
means. But given that “How old are you based on your Internet habits,”
mentioned that I am in the 40’s, looks like the algorithm is painting a
pattern. I press shutdown.
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