'Are we staring at our phones too much?

My husband, lets call him N is what you could call a ‘screen junkie’. It’s a deadly affliction that can damage a few grey cells, distort vision and even break up a marriage. He has this perpetual need to stare at some screen all the time; TV, a phone, a laptop, anything. A recent study concluded that the average youngster in India spends 10 hours of his day watching some screen. They were talking about N.

Its 8:oo AM .The phone buzzes signaling a flurry of incoming emails. With eyes half shut and crouched in the darkest corner of the sofa with a teacup precariously hanging down the crook of his hand, N sifts through the mails, mentally planning the day (that’s what he claims). While sitting on the pot, it’s Facebook scrolling time. In between he attends to a few Whatsapp pings. At office it’s another painful eight hours of drubbing away on the laptop, multitasking with several pages open. Back home at 6 pm, he flops on the recliner and starts playing FIFA on the Xbox, his eyes transfixed on the animated Arsenal men. And as he ‘distresses’ I sit beside him and talk to his right ear, recounting the day with a motley of news, gossip, and grievances.

 When we first moved into our apartment all the furniture were arranged against the wall, pointing at the TV, as if to say that the guests who come in should also watch the on going cricket match with minimal interruption. I suggested a conversation pit, to arrange the furniture in right angles so that we wouldn’t have to lean forward while talking or talk to each other’s side profiles. N finally gave in, but not without making some disparaging comments about womenfolk having to talk all the time instead of just chilling. Our conversations are now punctuated by sitcom laugh tracks and Arnab hollers through our dinners. Sometimes we call it a day by binge watching some television show on the laptop.  The iPad is another story. Everyone I know strongly condemns the use of it by children until they have one of their own. With parenthood the iPad transforms into this magical device that gives one some ‘me time while our child is busy learning to make cup cakes with Barbie.

Stuck at the traffic signal or waiting in a queue?  We fish out our smartphone and start reading an inane forward on a chat group or analyse our friend’s photo shopped display picture. What starts of checking one trailer on YouTube slowly cascades into a chain of random videos. Time flies by. The other day at the endoscopy Centre, while I was busy choking on the tube that was lunging into my stomach, the doctor was hell bent on giving me a tour of my insides on the TV monitor to my side.  A screen to the rescue once again. “Can you see your heart pulsating against your esophagus?” he said. My dying wish was not be a witness to own heart stop beating.

Until the smart phone happened I loved sitting in airports for hours, for the sheer people watching potential it offers- the whole gamut of human idiosyncrasies and relationships on display.  But these days I catch the young engrossed in swiping right and left on Tinder profiles much like a videogame while married souls like me kill time by checking what’s for dinner on the ’Fresh Menu’ app.

Whatever happened to good old reading and staring into empty space? Spa rituals and Suryanamaskars must make way for the more important digital detox. When I did suggest it to N the other day, he looked at me flummoxed as though I was accusing him of infidelity.

It’s unfortunate that for most of us work is on the laptop. For instance, this column isn’t going to write by itself. But have you caught up on this new Game of Thrones fan theory that is doing the rounds? Maybe I will it read now, while my brain gently warms up.

Originally published in the column 'Pop Pourri', The New Indian Express, Bangalore 29th Aug 2015

Lessons from a cartoon dog

It was my third unsuccessful attempt in the day to shut the clothes drawer. A woolen top was now wedged between two draws and was testing my patience. While I tugged at the cloth with one arm, the other tops were spilling out on the floor. “I am sick of this draw,” I announced. “ High time we stop buying clothes.”

My little niece who was up until then doodling with her crayons quietly, looked up bewildered, on why I was spewing poison at her clothes. With pretty strawberries and caricatures of ‘Hello Kitties’ and Mini Mouse the clothes were in fact cute.

“ Are you irritated Aunty?” she asked.  “ Look at this mess,” I yelled in affirmation.  “If you are irritated, just stop. Breathe. And then think,“ she commented rather nonchalantly.  I was stumped. Say hello to my four-year-old niece Dia. She went back to colouring the ladybird. “What does that mean, Dia?” I quizzed her secretly hoping that it was just something she heard it in passing and was not aware of the gravity of what she was saying. “It means you stop cleaning the drawer. You take a few deep breaths and then think about it. “ It couldn’t have been more succinct. The draw was now fully open with most of its contents tumbled down.  But I had more important things to attend to than a draw to deal with. My LKG going niece who still sits perched on her mother’s lap to drink milk form a sippy cup was giving me life lessons.

“That’s good advice, I will follow it,” I retorted. “But will you do the same the next time you get angry with Amma or Appa?” I asked. I was pushing the envelope. Dia’s tantrums were getting commonplace and she was aware of it herself. “Sure, “she said confidently. “Make a note of it on your cell phone and tell me the next time I get angry,” she quipped gesticulating at my indispensable smart phone.

Later that evening when I slowly cajoled her she revealed to me that she heard this on TV, from a show called ‘Blue’s clues ‘ on Nickelodeon where a big dog called blue with the help of his master Steve finds solutions for everyday problems. The other day she used the word ‘humongous’ to describe the pile of books lying astray on my table and the day before pointed at ‘Cummulo Nimbus’ clouds while peeping out of the car window. Pepe the pig had told her.

 It is true that the adorable Tom and Jerry has a lot of violent content and the infamous ‘Chotta Bheem’ perpetrates gender stereotypes. But sometimes children do seem to pick the ‘right’ portions from their seemingly superficial cartoon shows. Here was a vital piece of philosophy that Dia had not only picked up and absorbed but also learnt to apply at the opportune moment. I am sure I would have failed miserably had I been asked to use Zen to correct her shenanigans! The current fixation for many girls like Dia, in her cohort is Elsa, the snow queen from Disney’s biggest blockbuster ‘Frozen’. Frozen, apart from giving the hit song ‘Let it go’ has also given many young girls a perfect role model. Elsa is the stereotypical princess with a shimmering and enviable blue dress, long hair and pretty face but she is also fiercely independent, with a mind of her own. Instead of flitting around for the euphoria over first love and the perfect kiss from a prince charming, she finds that true love exists outside romance, that for her, it resides in her baby sister. Perhaps it’s sometimes good for health to look at media with a positive psychology spin.  Why go after yogic gurus when we can sit back in our lazy boys and learn how to stop. Think. And Breathe.

-  Originally published in the column 'Pop Pourri', The New Indian Express, Bangalore- 19th Aug 2015